


i found peace in your violence

by staylucky



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Childhood Friends, Eating Disorder, F/F, F/M, Google Translate Spanish & Norwegian, LGBT, Multi, Noora and Eva are endgame, One Shot, Sexuality, mild violence, queer sexuality, teenage love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12775242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staylucky/pseuds/staylucky
Summary: Noora Sætre has always been sure, contrary to belief.A short story of Noora's exploration with her sexuality and feelings towards women, from age eight onwards, ending with a blossoming bond with Eva Mohn.





	i found peace in your violence

**Author's Note:**

> Pretend William never happened and Noora was gay/queer from the get go, yeah? William is utterly ignored in this!
> 
> I wanted to write something wlw, I've began a few stories (usually Noora/Eva) and never finished them and I think it's because I didn't actually want to make the story about a ship or a pairing, I wanted to write it about a person, which is what I've done here in this very short one-shot (only 1.5k!) It does focus on Noora with other girls, including Eva, and also about Noora's eating disorder/recovery. It's not super indepth, how can it be at 1.5k?! but it's supposed to be short.
> 
> If you read and enjoy please leave me a little comment or some kudos! Thank you!
> 
> Also for those of you who comment on my fics to ask about the comm, please DM me instead at @skamdalized 
> 
> WARNING: Eating disorders are mentioned and depicted in this one-shot.

**_Ruselokka skole, 2007_ **

Noora Sætre is eight years old when she first kisses a girl.

The playground of _Ruseløkka skole_ seems neverending, gigantic, to the eyes of an enthusiastic eight year old child, Noora leaping across it, dodging games of tags that the boys energetically take part in and the skipping games of the girls.

She's chasing Brit Hagen, her best friend.

Brit's hair is several shades darker than Noora's and she wears it in long plaits, her little legs fast as she giggles and sprints ahead of Noora, Noora's heart beating wildly as she catches up to her.

Brit's been her best friend since the beginning of school. They had the same backpacks and they both loved the colour yellow. It was a match made in heaven.

Noora's close now, the wind whipping through her hair as her long legs make strides and bounds much larger than Brit's little ones, Brit forever checking, looking back mischieviously as she continues to run, laughter echoing in the air as she evades Noora's grasp.

Noora's close now, feet stomping on the ground as she gets closer, inch by inch, focused, ready to grab Brit, hear her roaring, squealing laughter -

 - Brit screams, tripping as she looked behind her shoulder to check Noora's still on her tail, missing the large stone that's made it's way into a slight groove of the playground's concrete floor and managed to collide with her polished black school shoes, making Brit fall with a cracking thud to the ground.

Noora screams when she hears that sound.

Children erupt in chaos and teachers must get there in split seconds. Noora knows that's what happened, logically, now she's an adult and can recall the moment as a memory, but at the time it felt like they took hours to get to Brit's side. It was just Noora, immediately weeping - overwhelming emotions inside a tiny, young girl - throwing herself to Brit's side, Brit still and silent, shock making her freeze.

"Don't die, Brit," Noora had wept, cradling her head, blood pumping out from her temple, sticky and dark, "I love you."

She kissed Brit's lips and held her tight, until she was ushered away, teachers surrounding Brit and directing Noora and other children back inside. Noora sobbed noisily throughout Maths, watching as the ambulance pulled up in the school car park and Brit was helped, limping, into it.

 _I love you,_ is all she could thinks, eyes wet and nose running, _I love you, Brit_.

*

**_Oslo Hospital, Ekebergveien, 2012_ **

It's 2012, Julian Assange is granted political asylum in Ecuador, scientists discover remnants of the universe's very first stars, Whitney Houston dies and the Mayan calendar ends, doomsayers of all backgrounds claiming the end is nigh.

Noora doesn't care about any of those things too much, at the tender age of thirteen, except for the end of the world because for Noora, the world does end that year.

It's the year Maja Raske shoves Noora away, disgusted after Noora kisses her, and it's the year _he_ comes into her life and leaves in the blink of an eye.

It's the year everything stops.

Noora learnt all the tricks, after that. She flushed crisps down the toilets and left empty, 'eaten' packets around the house, she followed hundreds of ana, mia blogs, the ribcages of unknown, faceless women looking back at her. She weighed herself every morning and every night. Her room was full, always, of empty Diet Coke bottles.

 _There's something wrong with me. I like her and I shouldn't. I loved him and he didn't_.

Maja was unusual for Oslo with her dark hair and dark eyes, beautiful and fortright, always on the debate teams and first to speak up in History, English, Science. Noora wanted to be her, but she also wanted to be with her, often lost in daydreams in a sleepy meteorology class of Maja with her at her parent's cabin. In the dream, it was always winter, Maja on the plush sofa with fluffy socks on and Noora tucked under her arm.

Maja always kissed her back, in the dream.

Noora waited six months. Maja had gay aunties and often spoke about one day, when they're older, they'd go to Oslo Pride. Noora was so sure, when they were giggling together in Kari's bedroom at a sleepover, the two of them having snuck off to share a cigarette outside before creeping back in. Noora was full of bright optimism and nervous excitement as she leant in and pressed her lips onto Maja's.

Maja shoved Noora so hard she fell back and into the edge of Kari's wardrobe.

Noora still has the small indent in her back, all these years later.

Maja didn't tell anyone, Noora knows that, because no one ever said a word to her about it, but Maja's sneer whenever Noora glanced her way was enough warning.

Noora met _him_ , fell in a different way, the confidence smashed by Maja repaired and rebuilt - until he took it and he tore it apart for good.

Yes, human civilisation may have continued after 2012 and into 2013, but Noora was stuck in a lonely time warp and all that she had was her websites for comfort.

_Stay strong, N!_

_You're so thin. WOW!_

_Beautiful, N. <3_

Noora didn't feel it.

*

**_Barcelona, 2015_ **

Noora loves music and whilst living in Barcelona, she was spoilt. There's something haunting and awakening about opera, shows at the _Gran Teatre del Liceu_ making Noora feel older than her years and sophisticated in a way she never did in Oslo.

Dalia loved music, too, especially opera.

They were young, too young, and the looks they received went from alarmed to warm, opinion divided on two young girls adoring operatic theatre as much as Noora and Dalia did.

Dalia taught her Spanish, all the best words, laughing outrageously but not unkindly at Noora's clumsy pronunciation and Noora held back her smirk when she taught Dalia the same words but in Norwegian, Dalia's accent just as bad as her Spanish one.

Noora would go back to her parent's house and they'd drink Moscatel wine, enough for Noora's face to flush pink but not enough for her to lose her balance or her tongue.

Noora would never kiss someone first again, and she didn't have to, not when just weeks before Noora was returning to Norway, Dalia pulled Noora in, kissed her gently. It was just another Friday evening, Dalia's parents allowing them to share some wine, Dalia playing one of their favourites - _O mio babbino caro_ \- as they danced in Dalia's large, ruby red painted bedroom, collapsing on her bed in giggles.

Dalia kissed her, Noora not for a second hesitating as she kissed back.

Dalia ran her hands down Noora's back, the finger next to her thumb tracing the small indent that Noora acquired the year before thanks to Maja's harsh hands.

" _Eres bella_ ," Dalia whispered, brushing blonde hair away from Noora's mouth, her fingers tracing Noora's lips.

" _Ikke like vakker som deg,"_ Noora whispered back.

*

**_Grünerløkka and Hartvig Nissen skole, 2015-2016_ **

Typically, a sixteen going on seventeen-year-old ripped apart from her sweetheart would be a tearful, tragic mess but Noora wasn't broken after leaving Dalia, both of them wise enough to know that was the end of something which hadn't ever begun.

Noora wasn't heartbroken for what was. She was excited for what was coming.

Time had stood still for what felt like a lifetime. Dalia had allowed Noora to feel a connection that she previously associated with fear, listening to Noora's story about Maja, about the dent in her back, Dalia stroking over it as Noora spoke in English, recalling the way Maja looked at her that night.

"She was scared," Dalia diagnosed, "she was too scared to be honest."

Noora had a taste for what life could be like and she intended to run at it.

Oslo was home. Oslo, not Oslo Hospital, the clinical white walls and the scales and the measuring and the sharp scribbles of every morsel of food that passed her lips being noted, analysed, judged.

Time was moving again and Noora was, too.

Noora knew from the moment she saw her, in a way she had never known before (from the innocent times of Brit to the heated kisses with Dalia) that the girl with the long, soft brown hair was important. She swallowed anger at the club, the girl's devastation clear to see, - _slut_ \- Noora's first instinct to protect, but she fights it with humour.

Her name is Eva. She seems shy, but Noora doesn't think she is, just unsure, a little lost in the world.

Eva requests to be her friend on facebook and Noora grins as she accepts.

Eva breaks up with him eventually, needing to be alone, and Noora agrees with her decision, supporting her friend's push for independence vehemently. She understands what it's like to crave, to _need_ approval and guidance but that can only come after you've learnt what it's like to be alone.

Eva's beautiful and smart, a lethal combination and Noora is addicted to being with her. She dreams Eva.

Noora swore she'd never kiss first again and she breaks her silent, private promise three months later because Brit, Maja, _him_ , Dalia - they all led to her.

*

**Author's Note:**

> Spanish - "Eres bella" - you're beautiful  
> Norwegian - "ikke like vakker som deg" - not as beautiful as you


End file.
